To truly commune with Paris Hilton and better understand her show, I wanted to cook along to what stood out by far as her worst-looking recipe.
Here is a list of words that the 40-year-old human with a cooking show Paris Hilton doesn’t know. Or — and this is more likely — a list of words she pretends she doesn’t know for the sake of an extended character bit:
On her six-episode Netflix reality series Cooking With Paris, Hilton wears her aughties Simple Life performance like an extremely loose glove that’s constantly slipping off and getting yanked back on by force. It would be less distracting if she committed to her nu-bimbo ditz, but every time she forgets it, switches into her natural register, then catches herself and strains her voice upward to croak about “sliving” (slaying + living, duh) again, it just gives me shock waves of empathetic exhaustion. This half-commitment to the familiar Hilton-as-character act extends to a problem with the show at large: a half-commitment to recipes, to celebrity-guest conversation, to production, to entertainment.
Oh, loose-glove metaphor aside, Hilton also wears a lot of actual gloves — fingerless ’80s Madonna-style ones. They’re typically ornate and bejeweled, and she usually tries to stretch latex gloves over them anyway to handle raw ingredients. As with an old condom on Prince Albert, I worry about the structural integrity of that whole situation. This isn’t quite as aggravating as her